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Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step , by Step Guide To Resolving Relationship Conflicts, by Jamie Turndorf
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World famous couples therapist, Dr. Jamie Turndorf (a.k.a. Dr. Love), shows how to use her ground breaking, proven conflict resolution program to preserve or reignite the love that brought you and your partner together. Dr. Turndorf is the first therapist to identify the link between specific childhood wounds and the relationship problems we experience as adults. Her Core TherapyTM method has created happy relationships for over 90% of married, unmarried, and gay couples who use it. Relationships with parents and children, friends and siblings also benefit well. In chapters filled with easy-to-follow advice and helpful anecdotes, she provides all the tools needed to calm an emotional exchange before it becomes a fight. Learn how to: - understand the chemistry of conflict - identify and avoid Fight Traps (dysfunctional fighting patterns) - recognize and defuse the three main arguments around sex - master listening skills that will improve any conversation - negotiate calmly and effectively about almost any issue
- Sales Rank: #1625464 in Books
- Published on: 2009-09-08
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .58" w x 5.50" l, .78 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 254 pages
From Library Journal
Turndorf, popularly known as "Dr. Love" in her newspaper column, focuses here on improving communication skills and reducing marital conflict. Early chapters analyze the nature of conflict, including the biochemical reactions of the body to fighting, subjects that provoke continued conflict, and behavior that escalates arguments. Then, before presenting her conflict-resolution plan, Turndorf identifies childhood wounds that may be aggravating spousal conflicts and encourages readers to heal these wounds so that they may concentrate on improving their current marital problems. The final chapters introduce the author's program for conflict resolution, with an emphasis on the development of listening and negotiation skills. Notes and suggested readings follow the text, but, unfortunately, these resources are quite dated; many were published in the 1970s. Overall, this is the worst kind of self-help book: a lot of hot air without much substance. Still, it's sure to find an audience; appropriate for self-help collections in public libraries.AKay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills., MD
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
I just finished devouring this book. Absolutely great stuff. This is the help I needed twenty years ago. Duh! Now I get it! My marriage of 30 years is over BUT maybe this can help me save a one year old relationship that has foundered due to my lack of "conflict resolution" skills. I'm going to re-read this book then do my best to apply what I've learned. (Then I'll read it again). --Scott Sandow
Most "professionals" try to make fighting acceptable in relationships and I think it's because they don't have a clue about how to help couples stop the fighting. Dr. Turndorf's "core therapy" method is awesome because she doesn't give quick-fixes and one-size fits all techniques that don't work. Instead she explains that all relationship fighting is caused by unhealed childhood baggage that makes you overreact and causes more fighting. Dr. T shows you how to figure out what wounds are causing your fights, and then she shows you how to help each other heal the wounds. Then you're ready for her step-by-step conflict resolution program, which works. The results are nothing short of amazing. --Dean Temple
This self-help book centers on Dr. Turndorf's proven method for resolving relationship conflict before it gets ugly, abusive, and over. The author, aka Dr. Love, bases her conflict resolution methodology on research that has led her to conclude, "fighting creates a chemical imbalance" that leads to more aggressive and negative behavior. This book provides ways to end or at least reduce the cycle of relationship warfare that spirals into divorce, hatred, and oftentimes leads to physical and mental abuse.
Her conflict-resolution steps are simple to follow. Sometimes we all can use an arbitrator like Dr. T. Her writing style is so personal that it feels like she's in your living room guiding you to end the conflict and reconnect. This book is for anyone who wants a better relationship with a partner, a friend, a sister, brother, mother, father, daughter or son. --Debbie Berk
love this book. Even though it's written for couples, I am living proof that Dr. Turndorf's conflict resolution techniques improve any kind of relationship. Now I get along with my daughter! This book is packed with humorous anecdotes and case examples. It's a fun read even if you don't have relationship conflict. --Emilie Krueger
About the Author
Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., is a practicing couples therapist and the director of the Center for Emotional Communication in Millbrook, New York, where she lives with her husband. She can be heard weekly on WEVD radio in New York. Her Web site, www.askdrlove.com, receives more than 1,000,000 hits per month.
Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Self-help book that shows how to stop marital war
By A Customer
This self-help book centers on Dr. Turndoff's twelve-step method to resolve marital conflict before it turns ugly, abusive, and over. The author AKA Dr. Love bases her conflict resolution methodology on research that has led her to conclude, "fighting creates a chemical imbalance in men" that leads to more aggressive and negative behavior. This book provides ways to end or at least reduce the cycle of marital warfare that spirals into divorce, hatred, and often time's leads to physical and mental abuse.
Though the steps seem obvious, it is helpful to see them written in a simple anecdotal manner that most adults can easily follow. The claim of 90% solution using this technique needs proper perspective, as the users will not have Dr. Love to personally guide them. It seems most likely that most relationships spiraling out of control need a third party arbitrator like Dr. Love to help the couple attain consensus rather than conflict. However, this book might prove beneficial to those partnerships not quite down the escalator trying to avoid the ride to marital hell.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Fight No More
By A Customer
Most "professionals" try to make fighting acceptable in relationships and I think that is to justify their own weaknesses. This book makes a good case that fighting is indeed not healthy, but can cause massive destruction in a relationship. I've never met any couple who characterizes their relationships as "blissful" if they are frequent fighters. I admire Michael Webb, author of The RoMANtic's Guide. He is one of the few professionals who say fighting is harmful but he also gives wonderful ways to fill your relationship with love instead.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Maximum help with conflict resolution!
By Roger J. Pivonka
I just finished devouring this book. Absolutely great stuff. This is the help I needed twenty years ago. Duh! Now I get it! My marriage of 30 years is over BUT maybe this can help me save a one year old relationship that has foundered due to my lack of "conflict resolution" skills. I'm going to re-read this book then do my best to apply what I've learned. (Then I'll read it again).
See all 10 customer reviews...
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